took the tumor to Tiger

I was up at 6:30 this morning to go hiking. (Pause to let the 6:30 part sink in - I know!) I had a complete cardiovascular come-to-Jesus kind of day. Oh my goodness am I ever out of shape. I could SO easily (EASILY) blame the cancer, or the 2004 pulmonary event that took away 0.0001% of my lung capacity, or any number of things, none of which would be as true as blaming the goddamn internet, and my ass which sits before it too much.

But it was a beautiful day, with mist through the Douglas firs (seriously, nothing but Douglas firs up there: could we get a cedar now and then?), and sun up at the top. There's an AA meeting at the top at 10 am every Sunday, and it's always a good meeting (now that I have 4 data points, over the space of 10 years, from which to draw such a conclusion). Having to hike all that way before getting to a meeting serves to take the asshole out of people, me included.

If I haven't mentioned this before, AA is fanTAStic training for cancer. I have a built-in Slip-n-Slide to acceptance. I mentioned this at the meeting at the top of Tiger today and pretty much everybody nodded. We all get one in the orientation package, next to the laminated card with the 12 steps on it and the laminated card with instructions for performing a wise, knowing nod.


I have to take the tumor to school tomorrow, and we need to study for an Ochem quiz on Tuesday. I'm all psyched, coming off getting a big fat A in Spanish last week.

Rampant narcissism

Top five actresses most likely to play me in my Lifetime Channel for Women Saturday Night Movie: So Many Things (MANY) Could Have Kept Her Out of Medical School...But Who Would Have Guessed It Would Be Cancer!?!?!?

5. Janeane Garofalo
Pros: Extremely funny, master of cynicism
Cons: Doesn't look like me, plus we need her to play my friend Alison

4. Julianne Moore
Pros: Redhead, Oscar-waiting-to-happen
Cons: Would never take a TV movie role, plus Boogie Nights was dumb, and not having Jodi Foster play Clarice Starling in Hannibal pissed me off. Plus we need her to play my friend Melissa.

3. Lisa Kudrow
Pros: Extremely funny, smartypants with a chemistry degree
Cons: I was never a Phoebe, and now she's Teri Garr II.

2. Kate Winslet
Pros: The naked peeing-down-the-leg scene in Holy Smoke, the self-deprecating humor in Little Children, plus she could play me young and Judi Dench could play me old, like in Iris.
Cons: Is all skinny now, vs. her juicy buxomness in Titanic

and 1. Judi Dench
Pros: Is old, thus I would have to make it to old for her to play me. Plus: is awesome.
Cons: We would need her to live to be 150.