Judge Judy McJudgey O'Knowitall

First, I am Dr. McJudgey all day long, with classmates and teachers and administrators.  People are just not any good.

Second, I get judged all day long.  Turns out I am just not any good.

Third, I have an extra helping of opinions about everything lately.  That heap was really high before.  Higher now.

Fourth, nobody wants to know what I think, which I keep forgetting until I already started saying what I think.

Fifth, many of my classmates are at the same level of bossy know-it-all as I am.

Thus, I spend all day hearing what I think get overruled with what they think, and what they think clearly proves they weren't listening to what I think, to the extent that I listened at all.

Repeat from step 1.  Dumb.  Assholes.

I figured out why this is happening, maybe, this morning, in a required Saturday morning class.  Which I spent judging, feeling judged, offering my opinions, having my opinions overruled, repeat.

See, the thing is, everybody here in med school is a pretty good person who wants to help.  Not out of selfless goodness, like a nurse.  No, we want to be in charge of dealing out the goodness.  We want to BE THE ONE who has the calm assured control over a dire situation where we apply our knowledge and judgment to quickly make mature and correct decisions and take correct and responsible actions.  Reasoned and seasoned.

This is not mental health.  It's grandiosity and ego and insecurity and fantasy.  And for a bunch of us at my med school, it's every day, all day.  All the live long day.

I'm pretty much the worst offender.

I am embarrassed to admit that I didn't expect this dynamic.  It's not that different from software, where you can't really go wrong by assuming people are smartypants with Asberger's.  I think the difference is that software people are more likely to keep their mouths shut.