Rampant narcissism

Top five actresses most likely to play me in my Lifetime Channel for Women Saturday Night Movie: So Many Things (MANY) Could Have Kept Her Out of Medical School...But Who Would Have Guessed It Would Be Cancer!?!?!?

5. Janeane Garofalo
Pros: Extremely funny, master of cynicism
Cons: Doesn't look like me, plus we need her to play my friend Alison

4. Julianne Moore
Pros: Redhead, Oscar-waiting-to-happen
Cons: Would never take a TV movie role, plus Boogie Nights was dumb, and not having Jodi Foster play Clarice Starling in Hannibal pissed me off. Plus we need her to play my friend Melissa.

3. Lisa Kudrow
Pros: Extremely funny, smartypants with a chemistry degree
Cons: I was never a Phoebe, and now she's Teri Garr II.

2. Kate Winslet
Pros: The naked peeing-down-the-leg scene in Holy Smoke, the self-deprecating humor in Little Children, plus she could play me young and Judi Dench could play me old, like in Iris.
Cons: Is all skinny now, vs. her juicy buxomness in Titanic

and 1. Judi Dench
Pros: Is old, thus I would have to make it to old for her to play me. Plus: is awesome.
Cons: We would need her to live to be 150.